psychobabble

It’s 3.30 in the morning and I’ve spent 6 hours discussing my Assessment and Profiling group project with my group mates. Simply put, I’ve wasted 4-5 hours on it. 4-5 hours I could have spent completing another dreadful assignment and 4-5 I could have spent studying for my coming midterms. But we do what we have to do. So now that I’m waiting for them to apply finishing touches to the assignment, i’m here – blog-hopping, Facebook-hopping and dying to sleep.

During the discussion, I managed to go out to talk to Bee Sim, talk to my other housemates about my hair, feel hungry because I hadn’t eaten dinner, talked to my mum on the phone and had a pretty long phone conversation with Eddy S (I’m only so specific because I know more than one Edward) and I’m still here. *sighs*.

I’ve been commanded (his version of a suggestion) to blog about what we talked about today. But since I don’t like repeating myself (that often and that soon), I’ll blog about something else related to that today.

Yes, I’ll blog about you, big (and I mean big, but not in a very nice way =P) doofus.

I’ve known Edward for… a pretty long time. Long enough to still need to call him Edward and not Eddy. It’s too habitual. I’ve called him Edward since I’ve known him. Thing about Penang is that… it’s so small. It makes all of us connected, one way or another. Edward and I are connected through his aunt and my mum who are really good friends who were really good friends from high school. So when we were little, we used to play together.

My earliest memory of the nuisance is playing ‘family’ with a whole bunch of other kids in some warped universe where time travels backwards.

He was the ‘grandfather’ – equipped with glasses hanging on the tip of his nose, the imaginary walking stick and a hunch the size of Everest on his back,

-_-”

And let me not forget torturous piano classes under Ms. Tan (Lyn and Sheryn can back me up and tell you that I’m not exaggerating about the torture, but that’s a story for another day). We were forced to play this piano duet with each other (I barely really knew him at that time. I have an old picture of us playing the piano together in a small recital at our ex piano teacher’s place) and me really disliking him (note, Mr. Saw that I say dislike and not hate as you so often like to exaggerate =P) because my lousy piano skills were constantly compared and contrasted to his accomplished hand (yes, I was already a kiasu little thing at that time).

As most of you know, there are few childhood playmates you spend every single day, week, month of your life with. Edward was definitely not one of those and many, many years passed before we crossed paths again. I was in… Form3 at that time when I found out that he was (very) distantly related to one of my classmates whom I used to hang out with back in the good ol’ MGS days.

I told you Penang’s a tiny place!

We’ve shared a rather … unique (for lack of a better term) relationship since then. Of course, in our mums’ ideal world we’d be attached at the hip by now. But we’re pretty far from that. For those who noticed in my Facebook profile a few weeks earlier that I was “Married” to a certain “Edward Providence Saw”, no, it was some other alien from a completely different dimension and even then, he forced my index finger to click accept! But we’ve had a divorce since he cheated on me so don’t sweat it, you won’t be seeing any mini half-breeds running around like, EVER. And again, I digress.

I suppose he’s one of the few really good friends that I can not talk to or not communicate with for months and still when we meet, it’s like no time has passed. In that sense, he’s a male version of Lay Bee too me (O_o).

We share this weird relationship where I can pretty much tell which girl he’s into at the moment or with at the moment just by looking at photos (that are innocent, mind you). Yes, he has a type. Penang is so small that he’s dated three people I know from my school who were in my graduating year – two of which I grew up with and one of which (not necessarily the third, unmentioned one, mind you) I loathed with every fibre of my being. Maybe we just run in the same circles, who knows. But, yes, Penang is pretty small when you look at it that way.

The thing about Edward. He’s a pretty great guy. He’s also a pretty emo guy who likes to take the weight of his world on his shoulders even though it’s really not his job and thus, he does like saving people. Which is why I suspect he almost always falls for the damsel in distress. It’s also why he’s surrounded by people who try (and usually succeed) to take advantage of it.

But, my dear, we’re only human, yeah? And, yes, sometimes we do like to be needed. It makes us secure in the fact that we play an important role in someone else’s life. So yes, go on and be a hero if you must and do what makes you happy, even if it is pleasing everyone else but yourself. Despite all that, sometimes, even heroes need some saving. What’s the point in sacrificing everything about yourself to save someone else when sooner or later, there’s not going to be anything left of you for yourself, much less to sacrifice.

What I’m trying to say is you really don’t have to go round being everyone‘s knight in shining armour. Just because you carefully choose who to give your help to does not make you any less of a knight. Or a hero. Or a vigilante. Whichever you want to call it.

For those who truly love you, love you for who you truly are – regardless.

After all, I love you even though you can be oh-so-cocky, conceited and an annoying pain in the ass =P

It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
- Five for Fighting

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